Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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