apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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