Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
