I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
soo... how was my night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
