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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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