Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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