I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
