Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
