you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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