And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
