I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
