Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
