the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
3 2 1 whiskey
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
