Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
