just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
