I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
