i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
