I seem to have left my pride at pride
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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