I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
