I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
