Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I supernannyed him into submission
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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