Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
