Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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