She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
