Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
