I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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