2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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