just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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