I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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