Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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