You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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