So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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