So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
