sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
