I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And then my night got REAL pukey
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
