dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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