this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
