apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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