My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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