I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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