I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
