I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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