Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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