My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
