ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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