perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Who died my cat blue again?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
