Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
