I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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