You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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