I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
