I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
