I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
