i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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