I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
