Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
