Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
