laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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