New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
