I puked a lego.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
