When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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