at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
