im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
