I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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