Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
